I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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