shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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