If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
