I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
