Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
