just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
