Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
