Can i not drive my cunt home
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
