I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
