i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize