He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
