all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
