put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
40s are totally the cure
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
