I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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