I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
