Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
