just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize