Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
