just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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