She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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