used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
