I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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