Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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