So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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