The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
