i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
