So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
