She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its not stalking. its research.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
