Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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