why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
