What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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