Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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