dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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