the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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