I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
