I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
