atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
