That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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