Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
