Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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