hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
