moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
