Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
