I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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