Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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