but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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