if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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