I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Success! We fucked roommates!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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