If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
