cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
