nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
