WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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