We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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