you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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