I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
