my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
