how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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