I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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