She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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