FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
