why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
