Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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