i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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