Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
