My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
