I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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