Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize