Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ketchup is God's man juice
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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