you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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