I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
