Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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