If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
