ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
