I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
