is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize