No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
