I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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