Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize