Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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