Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize