So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
