Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
