My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
