Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
