At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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