ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
