So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
