dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
