I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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