It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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