Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize