i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
