lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
