When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
