don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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