wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
