So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
