The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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