My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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