Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
